Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
