You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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