I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
