I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
