i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
