Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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