You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my liver is dry heaving
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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