Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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