Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
