No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
