guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
