so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
