Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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