Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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