my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
