you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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