Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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