well you can't waste a boner
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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