So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
