my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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