It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
