something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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