I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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