My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
