Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
