HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
