remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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