Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
