Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
