he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
