All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.