The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
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I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later