you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
