you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
