Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
