If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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