who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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