I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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