I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
