I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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