i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
