i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
