Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
