She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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