That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
