areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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