in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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