I got chris browned last night
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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