Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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