I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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