I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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