she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did you pee in the oven last night??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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