Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
