I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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