The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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