I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
