it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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