i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
