you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize