im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
