I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
