I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
