he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
