glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
