Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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